Enough

By Erin Mullens

I sit on the edge of the bed, the mattress bending As
I swing my legs and let my feet brush the carpet. 
My eyes, staring through my round glasses, are fixed
On the cabinet standing across from my bed.  It’s
filled with trophies. Trophies shoved together Piled
so high it makes one dizzy to look at.  These
trophies represent all my hard work  All the essays,
competitions, speeches,  
Everything I have ever done to prove myself. 

But at night, when the moon is hidden in shadow
And all the lights in the neighborhood are turned off
When I turn in my bed and look over at the wall It
looks like there is nothing there at all.  I imagine a
world where that cabinet is empty Where I never
cried on the floor late at night Staying up writing a
difficult essay  
That I had to put off for two weeks 
Because I had to study for a difficult test
Before I had to fly to a far off city  
To try and win a difficult competition 
Always working harder than the day before
For me, there are never any breaks.  

When I wake in the morning, I am terrified
That when I pass the trophy cabinet  
The glass on the doors will break and bury me 
The trophies tumbling in a glorious cascade
Until they come to rest on my fragile body
Burying me beneath their immense weight.  

I think of all the trophies I still don’t have
The ones that I must work hard in order to get
And I wonder if I am working hard enough.
Is there more that I could be giving? 
More time, more energy, more effort? 
What if someone comes along  
And steals all my trophies, and leaves me
With hands that are both tired and
empty? 

Tentatively, I step over to the cabinet  
And I unhook one of the glass doors. 
Slowly pulling it open, I reach for a trophy.  I hold it
in my hands, turning it over and over.  It just feels
cold, like a ghost haunting me.  It doesn’t speak, but
is as silent as a statue. This shiny piece of metal
gives me no comfort at all.

Erin Mullens has been writing since she was eleven years old, and her primary interests lie in poetry and fiction. Her hobbies include reading, going to art museums, and hiking in the woods. She currently lives in Seoul, South Korea. You can follow her on Instagram at @moonchildisuhgood.