Say Yes
By Courtney LeBlanc
- after Erin Adair Hodges
First there was a word and the word was yes.
Yes, to the new apartment, smaller and darker
than the last but in a better neighborhood,
one with trees and trails. Still the iPod was stolen
from the front door, tears spilled when Apple
refused to refund and I couldn’t afford a replacement.
Yes, the credit card company agreed and I bought
another, tucked it into your pocket before you deployed.
Yes, to the off-the-rack dress, hastily hemmed to fit
my slender frame. Yes, to the cookie cutter vows. Yes,
a week later I dropped you off at the airport
and you didn’t look back when you walked away.
Yes, to stepping out of a meeting to take your call,
your voice tinny across the desert, an unknown end
date. Yes, to writing letters, foreign stamps in the mailbox,
every delivery a delight. Yes, to the loneliness that crept in,
an ocean and continent stretched between us. Yes, to house
shopping by myself, to hoping we are handier than we
think, to signing papers on a fixer-upper that reflected
us – some work needed – the metaphor too obvious to make.
Yes, to your return, the tears I’d saved all year lodged
behind my lashes, refused to fall. And then yes to four
trips to Home Depot in one weekend when the pipe broke
and the basement flooded, when we borrowed fans and hoped
mold wouldn’t invade. And yes, we splurged on the new front
door, bright red – a lipsticked mouth against the pale yellow
siding. Yes, the sight of the door made me happy, even as I
began to dread what lay inside. Yes, I grew tired of feeling
invisible, a superhero power less desirable in reality. Yes,
I spent the weekend regrouting the bathroom floor while you
played video games; yes, my runs stretched longer and longer,
time away from our house loud with silence. And when I walked
in to find your suitcase sitting patiently by that beautiful red
door, you were the one to say yes to the end.
** Most of the first line is borrowed from Portrait of Mother: 1985 by Erin Adair Hodges
Courtney LeBlanc is the author of Beautiful & Full of Monsters (Vegetarian Alcoholic Press), chapbooks All in the Family (Bottlecap Press) and The Violence Within (Flutter Press). She is also the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Riot in Your Throat, an independent poetry press. She loves nail polish, tattoos, and a soy latte each morning. Read her publications on her blog: www.wordperv.com. Follow her on twitter: @wordperv, and IG: @wordperv79.
