Mud

By Vali Nikad

The mud never looked so beautiful 
When it was flying around us 
Tire smoke, the smell of gasoline 
Burning out our futures 
Sinking every hour we could into being next to each other
The heart I held, you knew it was folly 
I couldn’t gather the courage to tell you how sad I was
My anxiety was something we both escaped from You
needed someone to help with the truck 
It was never me 
I’ll find beauty in the mud again 
This time no eye between us 
This time no us between us 
No words to speak, no eyes to stare ahead with 
No matter how beautiful you were to me 
I was just the thorn you forgot to pick 
The first time I hugged you, I don’t think you understood The
first time I told you I loved you, I don’t think you understood The
first time I grabbed your hand, and held you 
I don't think you understood
And I don’t think I’ll ever understand
And I don’t think the evil in our hands had its fill
I don’t think we had our fill
I think the silence in our car rides
And the divide in our emotions
Was the poison in Their mouth
We’re Their favorite?
Who am I, if not just you
If not the soft palm to your callous
If not the laugh to your demeanor
The calm to your excitement
They say you can tell someone’s changed, but you don’t have to forgive them
I’ve changed
Can I forgive myself?
The mud never looked so beautiful
Til it was on you