Self Portrait as a Mandalorian

By Rachel Belth

Ilum is a secret planet of the Jedi and a source of kyber crystals, which power lightsabers. Its location is only findable using the Force.

I found Ilum. Yes,
I found it, no help
from a mystic. It is as
the legends say, brilliant
with blue and green, tucked
in deep space like a jewel in
velvet.

It was the year after I lost
my armor to Bossk. I had no
gauntlet starfighter, no WESTAR-35.
Aunt Aonika, her one arm
wagging an authoritative fist,
sent me in search of beskar.
But I needed something else, or thought
I did—scraps of paper with secrets
inscribed in Aurebesh. Do Jedi
not have their scrolls?

You doubt me.
I landed in a cyclone of
ice and crystal so dense it
peeled apart steel,
a cruelty akin to certainty.
Ripped open drifts and caves
large enough to lose a body in.
One could be forgiven for finding
a god here, or Truth, but it is
only kathracite, mephite, and pantite—
shiny bits, true, but nothing more.

I took this crystal.
Look, how small it is.
Here, it vibrates in
your palm. One day,
daughter, it will be yours,
our inheritance of wisdom.

Rachel Belth (she/her) is an instructional designer, creative nonfiction writer, and poet. Her poetry has appeared in Bear Review, The Sunlight Press, and Bitterzoet Magazine, among other places. She writes from an east-facing window in Columbus, Ohio.